Anyone who has known or been a man knows that there’s a decent chance they don’t wash their hands after peeing. This isn’t me being a misandrist, researchers have found that 15 percent of men don’t wash their hands at all (compared with 7 percent of women) and 50 percent of men don’t use soap. This data is from pre-COVID, so hopefully things have improved in the past few years thanks to an increase in awareness about the importance of washing your hands, but maybe I’m being too optimistic.



It’s evidently enough of a problem that brands are weighing in to try and encourage men to wash their hands, or at least one brand is: It’s Tommy John to the rescue! A Twitter user posted a photo of a sign affixed to the mirror in the men’s bathroom at a mall that reads: “Find us between Nordstrom & Belk and say ‘I washed my hands’ to get 20% off your first purchase.”


What an interesting promotional strategy, and what a noble cause. Of course, people could just say “I washed my hands” without actually doing so, but lying makes Baby Jesus cry, doubly so if you’re lying just to get a discount (it’s in the Bible, look it up).


Where was this promotion three years ago when governments around the world were scrambling for ways to incentivize and remind people to wash their hands? You couldn’t go into any bathroom without seeing a poster reminding you to wash your hands, and handwashing memes overtook the internet. We should’ve known that capitalism, and more specifically, bribery, was the way to go. At least we know now before the next pandemic hits!