Amid all the issues that plague our society — the conflict in Gaza, the rapid degradation of our environment, and the fact that a subway swipe now costs three whole dollars — one English 10-year-old boy decided to take a stand against a cause that’s truly consequential to the wellbeing of mankind: Apple’s “Nerd” emoji is hurting the feelings of some fellow four-eyed freaks.
Boy, 10, starts petition to get Apple to change 'nerd' glasses emoji https://t.co/XohZC42jZt— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) November 29, 2023
"They're making people think we're nerds and it's absolutely horrible,” Teddy Cottlel of Oxfordshire, England, very incorrectly told BBC News of his campaign. "It's making me feel sad and upset, and if I find it offensive there'll be thousands of people around the world that find it offensive too."
This movement, propelled in part by Cottlel’s teacher, Lisa Baillie, was partially inspired by the pre-teen’s concern for fellow young people newly learning they’ll be damned glasses-dom.
“I think people who wear glasses are cool and I am worried that people who are getting glasses for the first time will think they are going to look like rabbits or rats," he penned in his petition, blatantly erasing the existence of several spectacle-sporting hotties, including — but not limited to — Clark Kent, Ryan Gosling Mia Khalifa and even I, the equally hot-and-four-eyed Carly Tennes.
"I am asking ‘Apple’ to change the name of the emoji to the Genius Emoji and change the design to the new one I have designed below,” he continued, attaching a drawing of his proposal for a suitable replacement.
While admittedly cute, depicting a glasses-donning emoticon pairing a sharp pair of black dark-rimmed glasses with a coy smile, the eyewear enthusiasts of Twitter weren’t entirely sold, popping on their readers and proceeding to spectacularly dunk on Cottlel’s pitch.
“I wear glasses and this emoji is NOT offensive at all f– that toddler,” wrote @RGame96.
“As someone whose been wearing glasses far longer than that loser, I’m ok with the emoji,” @Jonso1o fired back.
But regardless of whether Cottlel manages to change the minds of Apple’s emoji overlords — and bitter old glasses wearers — one thing is certain: If we can survive getting that puff of air to the eye and dropping roughly $1,500 every time we even step foot into the optometrist, we can most definitely deal with an emoji.