1

Russia's Modern Army

“I've actually been onboard a Russian warship. I got called to a medical emergency on a cruiser when it was berthed in HMNB Portsmouth and to say I was underwhelmed would be an overstatement. Inside it was more or less empty. Very little firefighting or damage control equipment and the Sick Bay was a shell with just a desk and an old leather examination couch. I've since taken to calling them Kardashians. They look good on the outside but there's nothing going on on the inside.”

2

3

The Australian Army Circa 1932

“Aussies lost to Emus”

4

Egypt's Army Circa 1948

“Tbh the whole 1948 war was a massive humiliation for the Arab world and arguably set the stage for the rest of history. If you go and read primary sources during that time period, most of the world was expecting another h—t to take place when Israel inevitably lost against 6 Arab countries. The fact that Israel didn’t lose was a huge surprise (Arabs were being armed by two faced Western Europe and America btw) and in the short term caused everyone except for the Arab world to support Israel until the 70s.”

5

The Prussian Army Circa 1806

“I would argue some extent Prussia in the 4th coalition. They were still highly prestigious from the era of Frederick the Great but they had greatly stagnated, with aging generals and outdated tactics. They seem to have believed their own hype, since they declared war on Revolutionary France effectively by themselves, and Saxony as an ally (Russia would only show up later). Napoleon overran the country and destroyed their army in a month.”

6

Iraq’s Army Circa 1990

“In 1990/1991, the Iraqi Army was the 4th largest in the world and was battle tested from 8 years of combat in the Iran Iraq War.”

7

Moctezuma II's Army

Montezumas army. 30,000 wiped out by 150 European militia

8

The Armed Forces of the Libyan Arab Jamahiriya under Muammar Gaddafi

“Libya under Gaddafi; on paper one of the strongest militaries in the world but ended up losing to Chadians on Toyotas.”

9

The Confederate Army

“The Confederate Army during the American Civil War. A lot of revisionists like to hype it as having this unbelievably brilliant leadership compared to the drooling idiots leading the Union side, when in reality even Lee made his own share of stupid blunders (Pickett's Charge, anyone?) and a lot of his success came due to the incompetence of the Union commanders he faced (see also the Battle of Antietam, where the Union helpfully fed their army to Lee one division at a time rather than committing to a single all-out attack along a broad front).”

10

The Spartan Army

“For most of its history, Sparta was not an exceptional military force. What they were exceptional at is propaganda and making sure everyone knew the story of the Battle of Thermopylae. The fact that people are so repeating the story 2500 years later shows just how successful they were.”

11

The Soviet Red Army Circa 1940

“The Soviet Red Army in 1940 and 1941 performed abysmally both in Finland and in Operation Barbarossa. By all accounts they should have had parity with a country like Germany.”

12

The Praetorian Guards

“The Praetorian Guards. I am hard pressed to think of a battle where I hear of them succeeding, but more than a few examples where they were had their tergums handed to them.”

13

Antonio López de Santa Anna’s Army

“Santa Anna's army. Got sidetracked for far too long by a small force at the Alamo, then summarily had his a— kicked by Houston.”

14

Mithridates VI’s Army

“Rome was in between civil wars and still managed to beat MVI multiple times.”

15

The Italian Army Circa World War II

“How about the Italians in WW2? They had shiny new toys such as state-of-the-art aircraft and underperformed in just about every engagement. The Germans had to bail them out of situations such as Greece, which the Italians should have won easily.”

16

The French Army circa 1930

“In the late 1930s, right before WW2, the French military was considered the premier fighting force in Europe.”

17

The Spanish Armada

“Spanish Armada of 1588 anybody? Spain, a nation with the largest colonial empire of the time and an alliance with the Holy Roman Empire, basically DISAPPEARS from European affairs until they reappear in the 20th century. Their fleet was proclaimed as the "Invincible Armada" and Spain's immense wealth ensured nautical technologies were the most advanced of the day. In hindsight, the ships were too big and slow for a land invasion of the English coast and the English proved their competence on home turf, but this was the most feared navy in Europe. Most nations would have surrendered at the sight of such a fleet. I guess its' a navy and not an army, but control of the Atlantic Ocean dictated the profits a nation could generate from colonial expansion. In the age following the Renaissance, the Spanish emerged as an intensely rich nation with the ability to fund a massive army equipped with the most advanced technology since the Romans. This defeat began the decline of the Spanish Empire and the rise of Great Britain. Nobody expected an English victory, much less an English d—n. If it's not the most overrated army in history, I guess the battle could be classified as one of the biggest upsets. Certainly a popular one.”

18

Russia's Modern Army

“I've actually been onboard a Russian warship. I got called to a medical emergency on a cruiser when it was berthed in HMNB Portsmouth and to say I was underwhelmed would be an overstatement. Inside it was more or less empty. Very little firefighting or damage control equipment and the Sick Bay was a shell with just a desk and an old leather examination couch. I've since taken to calling them Kardashians. They look good on the outside but there's nothing going on on the inside.”