I had an appointment with a contractor who was coming over to my house to provide an estimate. He showed up late, took a huge smelly dump in my downstairs bathroom, and then declined to take the job because he was “transitioning his business to other areas.” So essentially, this guy just used my bathroom to take a dump and then leave.

Walked out into the living room at around 2 AM, and there was my friend’s girlfriend. She was sitting on the carpet right in front of the TV with her foot in her mouth, biting her toenails.

Mother in law peed on the couch, then co-opted her sister to pretend to trip and spill water in her lap.

The little neighbor boy took a bite out of a stick of butter that was on the counter.

Took all the labels off my canned goods. Meals were kinda like a lottery after that. Could be peas or could be peaches.

A special foreign guest with limited English at my parents’ for a formal dinner. They asked him if he would like to wash up before dinner. He looked puzzled, and soon we heard the shower running.

My buddy once brought his FWB over and she was clearly rolling hard on ecstasy. She got teary-eyed when offered a glass of water and then spoke at great lengths about how much she loved the trees in my front yard using some words but mostly just sounds.

Straight up spit out a mouthful of unpopped popcorn kernels machine-gun style all over my living room.

Co-worker was picking me up for a work thing and arrived earlier than expected. He immediately walked past me, looked around, walked into my kitchen, opened the fridge and said, "Nice. Fancy water," grabbed a perrier, cracked it open, then proceeded to peruse my bookshelves and criticize my books.

Literally all happened within the first three minutes. We were not friendly or friends - we were working together on this one project.

I had a home nurse for a while because I was doing home IV. They essentially just come in and make sure you’re not doing anything wrong. I got it the first time they showed me, but he insisted on coming back to make sure I got it. When he came back he basically said I was doing great, then asked if he could use my bathroom. He clogged the toilet, didn’t say anything about it, and then left.

Had a house party in high school that quickly got out of control. Tons of people showed up, including a whole bunch that I didn’t even know. I was kind of freaking out because there were so many people and the house was getting trashed. Next thing I know, one of the guys that I didn’t know grabbed a garbage bag and started cleaning up the whole house. Gathering trash, bottles, cans, etc. He probably filled 4 or 5 trash bags full. It was so unexpected and cool of him to do. So it was weird but in a really good way.

Ordered food while I was cooking.

During the party a guest went to use the bathroom. Somehow he managed to throw a whole unused toilet paper roll into the toilet, and flush. Idk how / why that happened and what he was thinking was going to happen, but he came out ashamed that he had done that. Not fun. Also he proposed to dry the roll on the radiator so it was not wasted. NO.

While we were having dinner with my family he pulled me aside and started asking about my parents’ sex lives.

I had just put two small casseroles in the oven. About a half hour before they were ready, my wife’s friend asked me to drive her to Tim Hortons for coffee and like sure, I’m always down for coffee. We get there and she orders coffee and some food. Eats the food in the car on the way back, then when the casseroles are done she takes a plate, takes two bites and just leaves it on the counter.

I want my $11 for that casserole we wasted on you Abby.

Family member came over for a visit. Needed to use the restroom. Used the guest restroom for quite some time. Came out and chatted for a brief minute, before he had to leave.

I later go into the bathroom, the stench assaults my nose instantly. The toilet is plugged and full of murky dark brown water. I’m talking muddy swamp water. But the cherry on top, was the toilet lid and seat were not on the toilet. They were sitting on the side of the toilet, between it and the bathtub.

So they took an unholy dump. Left the remnants and stench of a muddy steamer. Broke the toilet seat and cover. Placed it on the side of the toilet and didn’t say a word. Even after having a brief conversation before leaving.

Took me like 10 minutes to plunge it clear. Then I had to buy new mounting bolts for the seat and lid. He stripped the original ones somehow. Must have been one heck of a time in there. Wild.

Had a house party in high school and my friend threw up in the fireplace and didn't tell anyone.

My brother had a party, and bought a 24 rack of beer. One of his friends also brought a 24 of the same type of beer. There wasn't enough room in the fridge for both cases, so my brother and his guest just drank beers from the one 24 in the fridge. At the end of the night, the guest took his full 24 home with him after drinking a bunch of my brother's beers. It isn't exactly weird, but just an extreme douche-bag thing to do. That guy was a real tool.

A roommate drunkenly brought over a paranoid schizophrenic that had an episode, thinking we were all going to kill him. He grabbed me, knife to my throat and had me walk him to the door. I got him out of the house, locked the door and he got into a car, drove it into a tree, then ran off on foot.

I had someone dog sit for me and they completed a 1000 piece puzzle I was working on.