21 Tips and Tricks that Helped Us Escape the Matrix
When morality is no object, you can do whatever it takes to help yourself.
Published 6 months ago in Ftw
Usually when people talk about a "life hack," they are referring to a simple little trick that can help them out with a small task. Life hacks are not shortcuts past actual hard work, but they can be useful tools to help you get results more quickly. But the tips in this gallery aren't operating on the same plane. When morality is no object, you do whatever it takes to rip the matrix of society to your own benefit. Here are 21 actually helpful life hacks, that go completely rogue.
Price matching is a convenient tool many businesses have to try and make sure customers stay with them, no matter what deals other stores might have. The thing is, depending on who you're price matching against, you can take advantage. If you're buying a new car, one person advised obtaining an itemized bill from the dealership. If you can upload it to your computer, then a little photoshop work can change the numbers. If the new math adds up - and is still somewhat reasonable - taking that new bill to a rival dealership could land you an awesome deal. You just have to hope they don't call each other.
Read that idea, and 21 others that can help you hack your way out of the matrix.
5
Whenever you go to buy a car, the sales guy will always give you that sheet that itemizes the charge and everything on it with the OTD price. That's the sheet that you sign when you agree on the price. What you do is take that sheet, tell them you'll need to think about this. Then, scan that sheet into your computer, OCR it, change the numbers around to something you want that is reasonable. Make sure your math is right, print it out, bring it to another dealership and negotiate from that fake invoice.
7
Applying for a new loan and have troubled credit? Dispute the derogatory items with the three credit bureaus roughly 45 days before you apply for the loan. The disputed accounts are ignored by the major scoring algorithms which will give you a boost. If nothing else, the negatives won't be dragging down the score. Eventually, the "bad" credit will reappear since your disputes will not succeed in getting the information removed from the credit bureau database, but, at least you got that loan.
11
When you buy a laptop or desktop, buy a warranty that includes accidental damage. Near the end of the warranty term, run Linpack or Furmark and block the exhaust vent. Leave it like that for a few hours and you'll get irreparable hardware damage. File a warranty claim and get a new laptop. The best part is there's no evidence of hardware tampering because you never even open the case.
14
Someone at work ordered a large shipment of Campbell's soup cans off Amazon so that he could have it for lunch everyday. A few cans were dented so we all joked he was going to get botulism, because he's the kind of guy that gets super nervous. He called amazon to complain that he was worried about botulism. They resent the entire shipment, even though he told them only a few cans were dented. There was a lot of soup in the office after that.
15
Former Best Buy employee. I always told friends and customers to just "drop" the laptop down a flight of stairs. 95% of the time any screen damage is auto replacement, and 3+ years after purchase, you get store credit for the item to use as you please. Only thing you're out is the (absurdly expensive) plan cost.
17
There are two classes of lies that you can get away with. 1. The lie that's so huge, so massively impossible, that no one would ever understand why you would lie about something so fundamental, and so it's accepted as truth. I call this the Government Lie. 2. The lie that's so small that you can utterly convince yourself that it could be true, and so no matter how many times you tell it, it doesn't bother you, and no one would ever understand why you would lie about something so innocuous. I call this the "I'm 1/16th Cherokee" Lie.
20
Buildings/structures aren't as impenetrable as you might think. If a building has a composite shingle roof, you can typically just remove the shingles and cut through the backing underneath (usually plywood). In an unrelated note, alarm systems rarely monitor roofs. Also, if you're in a room with walls made of drywall, you're never really trapped. You can cut through the drywall and go through the wall itself, you know, if needed.
21
Stand near a crowded concession stand at a stadium or something, like between two lines at the front. Keep looking into the back like you're waiting on something. At some point, someone goes "What are you waiting on?" "Oh just a couple of chicken tender baskets." Nine times out of ten they'll be right back with a couple of chicken tender baskets.
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