“3.6 million dollar yacht.”

“Bedroom ceiling collapsed.”

“Someone forgot to lower the dump on the truck.”

“Hurricane damage to an F16.”

“Grandma found these in my uncle's room when they were moving furniture out today.”

“Spun off on a road with a speed limit of 30mph.”

“Wanted to feel better today, tried to dye my hair. Fainted on the wooden floor instead.”

“Been drinking from this water glass for a few days and just realized there’s mold growing in it.”

“Gas station is closed today.”

“Where’s the rest of it?”

“The McLaren 765LT? It’s perfectly dialed in - just the way it should be.”

“Stan Fox survived this accident with no leg or arm injuries. The impact forces caused closed head injuries that put him in a coma for 5 days. He recovered, but quit racing. Five years later he was killed in a highway accident.”

Ducati dealership burned down in San Diego, CA.

“My neighbor's house got struck by lightning twice, two days after they closed on it.”

“The server is down.”

“Reminder to keep an eye on your golf carts.”

“A sea lion took a bite out of my salmon while it was being reeled in.”

“My mom broke my laptop today, and doesn’t care.”