21 Conspiracies We Pray to God Aren't Real

Carly Tennes Published 08/27/2024 in creepy

For as long as we've had tin foil, we've had tin foil hat theories, conspiracies hinting that Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself (he probably didn't), birds aren't real (they probably are) and that the Earth is flat (we're like, 100% sure it's not).

But while we may never know for certain which social conventions may be a giant sham (with the notable exception of flat Earth) it's still fun to theorize what strange entities may lie on the other side of the matrix.

From the myth of "food safe" plastic to the "Dark Forest" theory that purports we may soon be hunted by intergalactic predators, here are 21 creepy conspiracies we pray to God aren't real.

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1.
“Those Facebook memes of posting a current selfie and a photo of you taken 10 years ago, is to program facial recognition software.”
2.
“This is a regional one, but the idea that Robert Pictkton (the pig farm serial killer) didn’t act alone. The theory goes that the farm was a common party spot for the Vancouver police department and hells angels, and that was the reason he got away with it for as long as he did. Recently he died in jail and the families of his victims are furious he was not able to testify. There were also a lot of sketchy things to do with evidence. When you start looking it’s pretty convincing.”
3.
“There is no such thing as ‘food safe plastic.’”
4.
“Mattress money laundering is the only insane conspiracy I fully believe in. Why are there so many stores?!”
5.
“Dark Forest Theory: we can't find any evidence of extraterrestrial life because the smart ones are hiding, and the dumb ones have been killed by... something else.”
6.
“Some examples of the Mandela effect are actually advertisements for a firm that can counter the Streisand effect for the ludicrously wealthy.”
7.
“Hot dogs and buns come in different numbers on purpose.”
8.
“The one about Bitcoin being invented by an AI, which is now accumulating a huge amount of computer power by greedy humans building big bitcoin mining centres to make money, but all they are doing is building an ultra resilient network for the AI to run on. The AI also has a huge amount of wealth to now pay anonymously to humans to do it's dirty work in the physical world. A superintelligence at some point wants more computation and robot arms - given robot arms aren't all that great, money is the next best thing, as humans will do anything for bigger numbers on their bank account. For me, it's truely terrifying”
9.
“There is no witness protection program. The government prepares people to cut all ties and then just kills them instead of relocating.”
10.
“Governments allow events to take place so they can implement security restrictions. The riots in the UK and protests across the EU are allowed, possibly even encouraged. The citizens will demand order by any means necessary and thats when the restrictions will come in.”
11.
“The public school system [stinks] because it was deliberately designed to fail the kids, forcing them to shuffle off to the factories once their dreams are crushed at graduation.”
12.
“Human are nothing more than a virus destroying the larger organism Earth. Earth will eventually get a fever in an attempt to rid herself of us.”
13.
“Hans Niemann did use a v—r to cheat on chess.”
14.
“That our politicians aren’t evil or corrupt at all. They actually think they are helping and this is literally the best they can do and they think they’re doing a great job.”
15.
“That the stereotypical Alien ‘encounter’, involving abduction, probing, and other experiments, are not aliens, but rather humans, from the future, coming back to try and figure out why we stopped being able to reproduce. Furthermore, that concludes that whatever brings about the potential fall of man has already begun.”
16.
“When light bulbs were created, they lasted forever. Producers noticed that would be a limited business and engineered them to go out after a certain period so they could continuously sell them.”
17.
“A cure for cancer and near-infinite energy sources have already been found, but are being kept in the dark by Big Pharma and Big Oil because there’s too much money locked up in the system to let it get out.”
18.
“Certain states school districts purposefully f—k kids over so they are forced to go to in state colleges so that the educated kids stay in state for long periods of time in an attempt to improve the state they got stuck in.”
19.
“Birds aren’t real and are actually government surveillance drones.”
20.
“I read one … that the government has a relative idea when Yellowstone will erupt again but properly preparing would mean displacing over 100m people on the US alone and still likely would not avoid mass casualties so they just keep it mum and hope the predictions are wrong.”
21.
“NASA is responsible for spreading moon landing conspiracy theories. They want the public to think the whole thing was faked because they are trying to cover up what they found on the last mission there.”

1.
“Those Facebook memes of posting a current selfie and a photo of you taken 10 years ago, is to program facial recognition software.”
2.
“This is a regional one, but the idea that Robert Pictkton (the pig farm serial killer) didn’t act alone. The theory goes that the farm was a common party spot for the Vancouver police department and hells angels, and that was the reason he got away with it for as long as he did. Recently he died in jail and the families of his victims are furious he was not able to testify. There were also a lot of sketchy things to do with evidence. When you start looking it’s pretty convincing.”
3.
“There is no such thing as ‘food safe plastic.’”
4.
“Mattress money laundering is the only insane conspiracy I fully believe in. Why are there so many stores?!”
5.
“Dark Forest Theory: we can't find any evidence of extraterrestrial life because the smart ones are hiding, and the dumb ones have been killed by... something else.”
6.
“Some examples of the Mandela effect are actually advertisements for a firm that can counter the Streisand effect for the ludicrously wealthy.”
7.
“Hot dogs and buns come in different numbers on purpose.”
8.
“The one about Bitcoin being invented by an AI, which is now accumulating a huge amount of computer power by greedy humans building big bitcoin mining centres to make money, but all they are doing is building an ultra resilient network for the AI to run on. The AI also has a huge amount of wealth to now pay anonymously to humans to do it's dirty work in the physical world. A superintelligence at some point wants more computation and robot arms - given robot arms aren't all that great, money is the next best thing, as humans will do anything for bigger numbers on their bank account. For me, it's truely terrifying”
9.
“There is no witness protection program. The government prepares people to cut all ties and then just kills them instead of relocating.”
10.
“Governments allow events to take place so they can implement security restrictions. The riots in the UK and protests across the EU are allowed, possibly even encouraged. The citizens will demand order by any means necessary and thats when the restrictions will come in.”
11.
“The public school system [stinks] because it was deliberately designed to fail the kids, forcing them to shuffle off to the factories once their dreams are crushed at graduation.”
12.
“Human are nothing more than a virus destroying the larger organism Earth. Earth will eventually get a fever in an attempt to rid herself of us.”
13.
“Hans Niemann did use a v—r to cheat on chess.”
14.
“That our politicians aren’t evil or corrupt at all. They actually think they are helping and this is literally the best they can do and they think they’re doing a great job.”
15.
“That the stereotypical Alien ‘encounter’, involving abduction, probing, and other experiments, are not aliens, but rather humans, from the future, coming back to try and figure out why we stopped being able to reproduce. Furthermore, that concludes that whatever brings about the potential fall of man has already begun.”
16.
“When light bulbs were created, they lasted forever. Producers noticed that would be a limited business and engineered them to go out after a certain period so they could continuously sell them.”
17.
“A cure for cancer and near-infinite energy sources have already been found, but are being kept in the dark by Big Pharma and Big Oil because there’s too much money locked up in the system to let it get out.”
18.
“Certain states school districts purposefully f—k kids over so they are forced to go to in state colleges so that the educated kids stay in state for long periods of time in an attempt to improve the state they got stuck in.”
19.
“Birds aren’t real and are actually government surveillance drones.”
20.
“I read one … that the government has a relative idea when Yellowstone will erupt again but properly preparing would mean displacing over 100m people on the US alone and still likely would not avoid mass casualties so they just keep it mum and hope the predictions are wrong.”
21.
“NASA is responsible for spreading moon landing conspiracy theories. They want the public to think the whole thing was faked because they are trying to cover up what they found on the last mission there.”

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1. “Those Facebook memes of posting a current selfie and a photo of you taken 10 years ago, is to program facial recognition software.”

3. “There is no such thing as ‘food safe plastic.’”

4. “Mattress money laundering is the only insane conspiracy I fully believe in. Why are there so many stores?!”

5. “Dark Forest Theory: we can't find any evidence of extraterrestrial life because the smart ones are hiding, and the dumb ones have been killed by... something else.”

6. “Some examples of the Mandela effect are actually advertisements for a firm that can counter the Streisand effect for the ludicrously wealthy.”

7. “Hot dogs and buns come in different numbers on purpose.”

9. “There is no witness protection program. The government prepares people to cut all ties and then just kills them instead of relocating.”

10. “Governments allow events to take place so they can implement security restrictions. The riots in the UK and protests across the EU are allowed, possibly even encouraged. The citizens will demand order by any means necessary and thats when the restrictions will come in.”

11. “The public school system [stinks] because it was deliberately designed to fail the kids, forcing them to shuffle off to the factories once their dreams are crushed at graduation.”

12. “Human are nothing more than a virus destroying the larger organism Earth. Earth will eventually get a fever in an attempt to rid herself of us.”

13. “Hans Niemann did use a v—r to cheat on chess.”

14. “That our politicians aren’t evil or corrupt at all. They actually think they are helping and this is literally the best they can do and they think they’re doing a great job.”

16. “When light bulbs were created, they lasted forever. Producers noticed that would be a limited business and engineered them to go out after a certain period so they could continuously sell them.”

17. “A cure for cancer and near-infinite energy sources have already been found, but are being kept in the dark by Big Pharma and Big Oil because there’s too much money locked up in the system to let it get out.”

18. “Certain states school districts purposefully f—k kids over so they are forced to go to in state colleges so that the educated kids stay in state for long periods of time in an attempt to improve the state they got stuck in.”

19. “Birds aren’t real and are actually government surveillance drones.”

20. “I read one … that the government has a relative idea when Yellowstone will erupt again but properly preparing would mean displacing over 100m people on the US alone and still likely would not avoid mass casualties so they just keep it mum and hope the predictions are wrong.”

21. “NASA is responsible for spreading moon landing conspiracy theories. They want the public to think the whole thing was faked because they are trying to cover up what they found on the last mission there.”

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10 Comments

eBaum's Picks

1.
“Those Facebook memes of posting a current selfie and a photo of you taken 10 years ago, is to program facial recognition software.”

3.
“There is no such thing as ‘food safe plastic.’”

4.
“Mattress money laundering is the only insane conspiracy I fully believe in. Why are there so many stores?!”

5.
“Dark Forest Theory: we can't find any evidence of extraterrestrial life because the smart ones are hiding, and the dumb ones have been killed by... something else.”

6.
“Some examples of the Mandela effect are actually advertisements for a firm that can counter the Streisand effect for the ludicrously wealthy.”

7.
“Hot dogs and buns come in different numbers on purpose.”

9.
“There is no witness protection program. The government prepares people to cut all ties and then just kills them instead of relocating.”

10.
“Governments allow events to take place so they can implement security restrictions. The riots in the UK and protests across the EU are allowed, possibly even encouraged. The citizens will demand order by any means necessary and thats when the restrictions will come in.”

11.
“The public school system [stinks] because it was deliberately designed to fail the kids, forcing them to shuffle off to the factories once their dreams are crushed at graduation.”

12.
“Human are nothing more than a virus destroying the larger organism Earth. Earth will eventually get a fever in an attempt to rid herself of us.”

13.
“Hans Niemann did use a v—r to cheat on chess.”

14.
“That our politicians aren’t evil or corrupt at all. They actually think they are helping and this is literally the best they can do and they think they’re doing a great job.”

16.
“When light bulbs were created, they lasted forever. Producers noticed that would be a limited business and engineered them to go out after a certain period so they could continuously sell them.”

17.
“A cure for cancer and near-infinite energy sources have already been found, but are being kept in the dark by Big Pharma and Big Oil because there’s too much money locked up in the system to let it get out.”

18.
“Certain states school districts purposefully f—k kids over so they are forced to go to in state colleges so that the educated kids stay in state for long periods of time in an attempt to improve the state they got stuck in.”

19.
“Birds aren’t real and are actually government surveillance drones.”

20.
“I read one … that the government has a relative idea when Yellowstone will erupt again but properly preparing would mean displacing over 100m people on the US alone and still likely would not avoid mass casualties so they just keep it mum and hope the predictions are wrong.”

21.
“NASA is responsible for spreading moon landing conspiracy theories. They want the public to think the whole thing was faked because they are trying to cover up what they found on the last mission there.”