15 of the 1980s' Completely Worst Inventions

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15 of the 1980s' Completely Worst Inventions

Somewhere in the ether, a tear is rolling down Thomas Edison's cheek.

Published 8 months ago in Facepalm

Though bad tech may have come to define the past decade and change — sorry, Google Glass, AppleVision Pro, and the entire existence of Theranos. The aughts and 20-teens aren't the only decades guilty of awful inventions. Just take a look at the graveyard of bad '80s devices that promised aesthetic & functionality but in some cases, delivered safety concerns.

From the downward slope of the monoski to the ugly screen attached to the Private Eye, here are the 15 worst inventions of the 1980s.

1
Long before Google Glass proved how dorky wearable tech can be, the Private Eye’s 1.25-inche screen made our parents and grandparents look like absolute dweebs.

2
While the smartphone may have perfected what it looks like to have a calculator and MP3 player in one, our ‘80s forefathers also had a stab at combining these two devices. Case in point? This old-school gadget, which appears to be a cassette player with a built-in calculator.

3
Nissan’s 1983 NX-21 folding door concept car may have not looked cool in its ‘80s debut, but it had one thing going for it: It seemingly never made it to market.

4
Though Nintendo’s Power Glove may have looked like something out of Thanos’ wardrobe, the reality was a lot more frustrating. Facing functionality issues and requiring users to install four separate antennas around their television, the device was a little too ahead of its time.

5
While Edgar Bronfman Jr, inventor of Old Breed beer-flavored whiskey may have thought an ale-like spirit would fly off the shelves, he thought wrong. “Lord, it was awful,” an employee recalled of the product, per the Museum of Failure. “It smelled like the carpet at a fraternity on the Sunday morning after a party. And it tasted even worse.”

6
The only thing more annoying than lugging around a camcorder? Not being able to see what you’re recording. Sony’s Betamax BetaMovie Record’s weight, four-figure price tag and lack of a viewfinder led to its downfall.

7
Though the electric doormat used pulleys and a conveyor belt to dry a user’s feat, most people seemed to agree that analog was best when it came to wiping their shoes.

8
Touting itself as a 2-in-1 vibrating sauna, the bright pink at-home spa claimed “to simulate the effect of exercise,” per All That’s Interesting. Even with its built-in entertainment system, the machine failed to meaningfully take off, though similar devices still exist today.

9
Though suicide doors may be a must-have for any car collection, the same cannot be said of gull doors. Synonymous with DMC DeLoreans — the car model famously retrofitted with a time machine in ‘Back to the Future’ — these doors’ safety hazards and logistical challenges kept them firmly in the past.

10
Philippe Starck’s Hot Bertaa tea kettle may have resembled a Jetsons-age air horn, but it had a few fatal flaws. Namely, that it didn’t work and would often spray scalding steam at users' faces.

11
Are you a fan of music? Do you like annoying train cars filled with people? Are you really, really into being the center of attention? Enter the Enterprex Music Vest. Equipped with two speakers — and on several models, two inexplicable Coca-Cola logos — this wearable boom box equivalent never made it to the big time … thank God.

12
It’s a motorcycle! It’s a scooter! It’s the love child of a Harley and a Honda accord? The Japanese automaker may have tried to market its 1989 touring motorcycle as a yuppie-friendly baby’s first chopper complete with a trunk, yet the confusion surrounding this vehicle’s identity led to its quick downfall.

13
Have you ever looked at a snowboard and thought “why isn’t this 10 times worse”? Monoskiing may be the snow sport for you. Featuring nearly identical bindings to those on classic skis, the popularity of the snowboard in the ‘90s nearly drove the monoski to extinction, though some say the single wide ski may be making a bit of a comeback.

14
If you’ve ever wondered why bicycles aren’t all made from plastic, the Volvo-engineer designed Itera may be able to give you some clues. Despite boasting the slogan of “the eternal machine - made of the same material as spaceships,” the plastic frame proved wobbly and unstable in gravity-rich conditions.

15
While Tomy Omnibus 2000 may have looked like R2-D2’s cousin and served beverages to lazy humans who couldn’t be bothered to walk to the fridge, these futuristic perks failed to make their mark.

16
 The only thing more antiquated than a cassette player? The AT-727 Sound Burger portable record player. Is that an entire 12” vinyl stuffed in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?