1

I used to hang out with my friend Jack all the time as a kid, we would have sleepovers almost every weekend and just, in general, have the time of our life.

One Friday night someone started banging on the front door, we take a peek out to see to our surprise that it’s our friend Mike, he appeared frantic and was practically begging jack to let him chill with us.

Nearly an hour had passed. We were sitting in the living room watching a horror movie when we heard the most furious, earth-shattering knocks from the front door again, we open it to see Mike’s father.

His father had been in the military for over a decade and was a mean mug of a man, he proceeded to grab Mike by his long wavy surfer hair and dragged him out of the house into his pickup truck.

We later found out that Mikes dad walked in on him f*cking the couch

2

A toaster

3

Michael Myers mask with lube and a pineapple. Do not attempt

4

My mouth!

5

Hot Pocket

6

A bong... to completion.

It started with stoned curiosity, turned into an "oh sh*t, I can't believe this works so well" moment, and ended with the most vigorous cleaning I've ever given glassware.

7

When I was around 13 I had a big Tigger stuffed animal from when I was a child in my closet (it was like 3 feet tall) and just happened to have a rip right under the tail. I was home alone. I’m so sorry Tigger, please forgive teenage me. He was a different person…

8

A trinket glass globe (like an oil lamp chimney but with a glass bottom) from New Orleans that I got at the thrift store.

9

I was rock hard and horny. Idk why, but I used a glass of cold milk

10

Vacuum cleaner hose

11

A latex glove with sensitive skin lotion with another glove stuffed inside that with some more lotion inside of it with one on those bathroom hand towels tightly wrapped around it, then used three big rubber bands to hold it all together, and then I put it between my mattress and box springs, sh*t was a great feeling

12

I had a friend make a mold of his penis with a bunch of melted styrofoam & petrol that his older teen brother left lying around in the garage.

For those who don't know petrol melts styrofoam & turns it into a gooey, gelatinous substance that slowly hardens over time. Also known as homemade Napalm.

We were kids & kids do dumb as f*ck sh*t.

He lost an entire layer of skin on his penis.

13

Pringles can, with rubber glove between two sponges

14

Stuck the tip of my d*ck on a light bulb.... while it was on. Honestly can't explain the rationale of this to this day. S*it was wildin’

15

Gatorade bottle. Don’t know why but I do know I managed to get it in the bottle but getting it out is a different story

16

A jacuzzi jet… I was 12, it was a different time.

17

I knew a dude that f*cked his VCR with a toy Darth Vader up his a**. Seemed kinda crazy to me at the time.

18

A pie. I seriously thought Jim was onto something.

19

One of those central vacuum systems built into a rich person’s house. I was young. It was a different time. And I can say I was blown by a house. Can you?

20

Sock. I tried the sock thing. Didn't work out.

21

One time I slept with some woman I met online, only to find out it was my friend’s mom. Awkward situation. Will take it to my grave.

22

A jar of grape jelly....it was oddly satisfying.

23

A Mario Kart Wii Wheel. No further comment.

24

A patch of poison ivy because I thought I was "immune"

25

The kid my sister was friends with, who lived across the street in this big ass mansion, stuck his d*ck in the cd drive hole, and had to be taken to the hospital because it got caught and he couldn't get it out. He had to carry the desktop with him into the ambulance.